Fugly

   I am sure that some have heard of the word "fugly" and others have not. But just in case it means fat and ugly.

   I would say for almost a month now I have been feeling unattractive, fat, ugly, unmotivated, and just plain miserable. I think that allot of this started when a member of the family had taken some time away from our home and when SO had to go up north. Of course he was with his kids which I don't mind, but it was the first time I had not gone with him and the longest that we had been apart. The family member that stays with us of course is back home and SO is also home now but they both are always out working from early am to late am hours. Nope they do not get much sleep but the work helps to pay for our bills.

   In any case this left me at home with the kids and not much to do. Although one of the local libraries has become one of our favorite places to visit on a weekly basis, to me this is not much. Recently I have been taking the kids out window shopping and even grocery shopping to help the time pass by. Most of those days started out late however because I could not get motivated enough to take a shower or even find something that I felt I looked okay in and yet was comfortable enough to wear. Of course I did take a shower, tried to figure out how to fix my hair to no avail. Put on lotion and all the things that one might do to feel "pretty" again. Nothing worked. Not the showers, the lotions, the perfumes, or taking the kids out shopping and visiting my parents. I was still feeling down and out and plain worn out.

   During these trying days for me, my kids have been what I would call exceptionally fantastic. They did what I asked of them and always gave me my dose of hugs and kisses. : ) Just thinking about how great they have been brings a huge smile to my face and tears to my eyes. I don't know what it is but they always seem to know when mommy needs some extra love, care and attention. Of course I am sure that they just loved the movies that they received and the clothes that they got from Gma and Gpa.

   Finally this past weekend I decided that I needed to do something for myself to try and help me feel better. After taking the kids to the library I went to a nail salon and had a pedicure done. Oh how it felt so good to be pampered for a little while. Not to mention that my feet don't look so gross any more. Well they looked gross to me considering I don't like feet. I don't know what it is about them but if they are painted I can tolerate them. Now I have to admit, I don't think that I have ever come across such a fantastic nail salon. My DD got her finger nails painted for free and the workers even helped keep an eye on my DS's with me. I am not sure if this is normal, but I for one was glad. Great Exceptional service and I will continue to visit them in the future. When I left I cried. I felt a tad better about myself but was happier that my kids were so well behaved in the salon. I thought for sure they would have started to argue or something. They tend to miss behave when they sit with nothing to do for too long.
If I have not already mentioned this, I love Love LOVE my kids!!!!

   In any case while getting my nails done I am still not feeling all that good about myself. I talked with SO about how I was feeling and he reassured me that he loved me. I still can't help but feel like I am unattractive for him and for myself.

   At this point I think that my next step is to try and continue being more active with my kids and push myself to clean and cook around the house. I even plan on starting to walk again now that the weather is getting nicer and you won't freeze your butt off when you walk out the door.

   One other thing that I keep putting off is visiting the doctor for an ongoing medical issue. (Mental note to self, make that doctor's appointment!)

   While there might be some other reasons that I might be feeling fugly, I will take it one day at a time and keep getting up to the 3 smiling faces whom I know love me with all their heart.

Just another Day.

Today after talking with a long time friend of mine, whom I have known for about 12 years, I realized that I have not blogged in some time now. It was nice to catch up with him as it had been a while. I was able to catch up on a few things and even mentioned my blog to him.

In any case today was SO's Birthday and we had a small celebration with the kids. They were so excited to have cake. I think that is the one thing they look forward to on any one's Birthday. If you ask them what they want for their own Birthday they will tell you Cake, Presents and decorations. Simple enough. They even know who they want to see visit with them.
Right now we have one of our friends here hanging out and playing Tiger Woods Golf game. I would normally play but opted out so that I could catch up a little bit.

Recently I have been writing on my own to sort out how I feel about things. I found it to be amazing at how much I had to say. I think that it was over 20 pages had written in the matter of a few days. SO thought that I was writing a book. LOL if he only knew how much I really do write some times. At some point I will share these writings but I am not ready at this time as they are more than personal to me.

I still have many blog ideas but just can't seem to get motivated to put anything together at the time. Maybe when the morning is new I will get a fresh start. Right now I am just so worn out. Lots has to do with the time change and some family things that we have going on.

Okay, I think that it's time for me to go to bed. I think tomorrow I will have more to say. Right now I just cant muster up much.

Happy Birthday

So today my boys turned 5. I can't believe 5 years ago I was in the hospital in the early am hours getting ready to have them. I remember I was awake all night and could not sleep. The contractions were getting more painful and closer together. I called their father and said it was time. LOL I don't think he thought they were really ready to come into the world just yet. In any case around 7am there they were. Two very healthy boys with all ten fingers and ten toes. : ) It brings a tear to my eye.
Here we are 5 years later and they have grown from little babies who were so small you had to handle them with care to boys who are strong, smart and getting taller by the minute.
Their dad, his GF, and step brother and sister were able to join us today. It was a nice surprise for the kids as I had not told them who would be here to party with them. I only asked them who they would like to have here. They certainly got their wish. He brought the cake and gifts for all three of the kids. He did not want our daughter to feel left out which I could appreciate cause my BF thought of the same thing.
We had their favorite meal/treat....PIZZA! Following this we opened their gifts. Here comes their favorite part of the food. The frosting covered cake. There had to be at least half and inch of frosting for the base not to mention the decorative parts. As is tradition the birthday person gets the corner pieces with the most frosting. Here we are 3 hours later and they have way more energy than when they got up.
LOL might not help that a good friend of BF and mine is here and they love to play with him. Oh and wouldn't you know it, their dad got them transformer toys and so did our friend. I am starting to get really good at putting these things back together.

Our night has not yet ended. We are letting the kids all stay up late and listen to live music being played in our basement as we speak. With that being said I will go and join them and help the kids wear out the sugar in their systems.

Happy 5th Birthday Aaron and David.