Fugly

   I am sure that some have heard of the word "fugly" and others have not. But just in case it means fat and ugly.

   I would say for almost a month now I have been feeling unattractive, fat, ugly, unmotivated, and just plain miserable. I think that allot of this started when a member of the family had taken some time away from our home and when SO had to go up north. Of course he was with his kids which I don't mind, but it was the first time I had not gone with him and the longest that we had been apart. The family member that stays with us of course is back home and SO is also home now but they both are always out working from early am to late am hours. Nope they do not get much sleep but the work helps to pay for our bills.

   In any case this left me at home with the kids and not much to do. Although one of the local libraries has become one of our favorite places to visit on a weekly basis, to me this is not much. Recently I have been taking the kids out window shopping and even grocery shopping to help the time pass by. Most of those days started out late however because I could not get motivated enough to take a shower or even find something that I felt I looked okay in and yet was comfortable enough to wear. Of course I did take a shower, tried to figure out how to fix my hair to no avail. Put on lotion and all the things that one might do to feel "pretty" again. Nothing worked. Not the showers, the lotions, the perfumes, or taking the kids out shopping and visiting my parents. I was still feeling down and out and plain worn out.

   During these trying days for me, my kids have been what I would call exceptionally fantastic. They did what I asked of them and always gave me my dose of hugs and kisses. : ) Just thinking about how great they have been brings a huge smile to my face and tears to my eyes. I don't know what it is but they always seem to know when mommy needs some extra love, care and attention. Of course I am sure that they just loved the movies that they received and the clothes that they got from Gma and Gpa.

   Finally this past weekend I decided that I needed to do something for myself to try and help me feel better. After taking the kids to the library I went to a nail salon and had a pedicure done. Oh how it felt so good to be pampered for a little while. Not to mention that my feet don't look so gross any more. Well they looked gross to me considering I don't like feet. I don't know what it is about them but if they are painted I can tolerate them. Now I have to admit, I don't think that I have ever come across such a fantastic nail salon. My DD got her finger nails painted for free and the workers even helped keep an eye on my DS's with me. I am not sure if this is normal, but I for one was glad. Great Exceptional service and I will continue to visit them in the future. When I left I cried. I felt a tad better about myself but was happier that my kids were so well behaved in the salon. I thought for sure they would have started to argue or something. They tend to miss behave when they sit with nothing to do for too long.
If I have not already mentioned this, I love Love LOVE my kids!!!!

   In any case while getting my nails done I am still not feeling all that good about myself. I talked with SO about how I was feeling and he reassured me that he loved me. I still can't help but feel like I am unattractive for him and for myself.

   At this point I think that my next step is to try and continue being more active with my kids and push myself to clean and cook around the house. I even plan on starting to walk again now that the weather is getting nicer and you won't freeze your butt off when you walk out the door.

   One other thing that I keep putting off is visiting the doctor for an ongoing medical issue. (Mental note to self, make that doctor's appointment!)

   While there might be some other reasons that I might be feeling fugly, I will take it one day at a time and keep getting up to the 3 smiling faces whom I know love me with all their heart.